


Catra Alone

by tashostash



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a semi happy ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Internal Conflict, One Shot, Self-Discovery, Self-Hatred, Unresolved Emotional Tension, because this is something i've always wanted to see, i tried to make it like zuko alone from atla, these tags sound bad but this is a good fic i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 09:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19104028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tashostash/pseuds/tashostash
Summary: After her near-death experience with Hordak, Catra escapes the Horde and finds herself alone in the Whispering Woods. Now, with no direction and no place to go, Catra must finally face her long-suppressed emotions.Post season 2 theory





	Catra Alone

**Author's Note:**

> hey fellas!
> 
> so i've always wanted to see a "catra alone" episode that's similar to zuko alone from atla and korra alone from tlok, so i figured instead of waiting around fro it, i'd write it myself. so with no further ado, here it is. enjoy xx

Catra pushed her way through the mass of branches and vines that lay in front of her. The amount of plants, trees, and other junk that had slowed down Catra’s path for the past two days was next to insane. Now, with tall grasses and branches whipping into her face every time she stepped, it seemed like the amount of foliage that lay in her way was endless. Nevertheless, she had to keep going. The Whispering Woods were here only option for immediate safety at the moment.

She had left the Horde. Well, more like she had escaped. It had never been her plan, and she had never thought about the consequences of her departure from the place she had called home all of her life. But that’s where Catra had ended up, and there was definitely no turning back now.

* * *

 

_ “You wanted to see me, Lord Hordak?” _

_ Hordak had his back turned, and he was working on some piece of technology in the back of his sanctum. “Yes, Force Captain,” he growled without turning his back. “I wished to touch base, as you put it. See how my orders are being carried out.” _

_ Catra took in a nervous breath. She already knew why he had called her here, but every last ounce of hope in her body wanted to make her believe it wasn’t true. She had lost Shadow Weaver, and there was no getting her back now. And she knew the consequences. _

_ Catra gulped and tried to conceal her fear. She had spent her entire life lying about one thing or another, and over the years, she had gotten pretty good at it. Keeping a straight face was one of her only true talents in her opinion. But this time, it was different. Her web of lies had been unfurled. “Everything is running smoothly.” It definitely wasn’t. _

_ “Does this mean Shadow Weaver has been transferred to Beast Island per my orders?” He turned around to face her, his robotic gaze piercing. _

_ “Yes, I sent her yesterday, just like you ordered,” Catra responded quickly. She smiled, trying to cover up her lies. As she spoke, her confidence grew, and she thought she may have a chance of pulling this off. “Believe me, we’re never going to see her- _

_ “I lost Shadow Weaver!” Catra heard her own voice echo through the room, unable to trace where it had come from. It was probably that ugly demon baby of Hordak’s. She had always hated that little shit.  _ I knew it.

_ Hordak narrowed his eyes as the recording continued. “Shadow Weaver escaped.” Just as she had thought, Imp flew out from a corner on the ceiling of the room. He opened his mouth and let the recording continue. “I have to find her before Hordak learns the truth.” The baby continued flying around the room and in front of Catra’s face, taunting her. He then flew into Hordak’s arm, who had fully turned to face Catra. His red eyes were no more than slits now, and his stone cold expression conveyed what had to be said without speaking a word. _

_ “You lied to me.” He walked forward and reached out for a lever that stuck out from the floor next to him. Catra began connecting the dots in her head. She knew what was coming. _

_ Catra took a step back in fear. “Wait.” Her palms started sweating, and she could feel her body shaking. _

_ Hordak ignored her plea. The machine began powering up, and a pink light sparked from the pillars surrounding her and soon the light surrounded her as well. The air around her began to swirl, and the air inside her own lungs began to disappear. She gripped her chest, trying to get anything she could back into her lungs, but there was no air around her. It was all gone. _

_ “I know your lax security allowed Shadow Weaver to escape” Catra gasped and struggled to maintain her breath. “I know you’ve been covering it up, lying about your whereabouts.” She fell to her knees, no longer able to stand. She looked up to see Hordak slowly pacing towards her. “But worst of all, I gave you the chance to come clean. To prove your worth to me, to the Horde.” His figure began shifting, and Catra’s vision became blurry. She could almost feel the life being sucked out of her. _

_ Hordak kneeled in front of her, and his face came into focus. His gaze was menacing and emotionless. He had no remorse for what he was doing. “This was a test.” Catra felt tears begin to well around her eyes, and she managed to look Hordak in the eyes one last time. There was nothing around her. Only empty space. “And you failed.” _

_ Her vision went black. _

_ Just as she felt herself collapse, the air returned to her lungs and she could breathe again. She lay on the floor, her surroundings fading into focus again. Gasping for breath, she saw Hordak turn around, growling. He stormed out of the machine’s radius and walked towards the back of his lab again. Catra pulled herself off the ground and managed to sit up. Her arms were shaking, and she gasped for breath, filling the empty space in her chest. _

_ Catra heard Hordak shouting. “Entrapta, what is the meaning of this?” _

_ She couldn’t see the princess, but Catra heard her from Hordak’s direction. “Well, I noticed you were using uninsulated cables for this machine as well, so I thought I’d fix it.” She still sounded as bright and cheery as ever. “Also, I couldn’t help but notice what you were doing to my friend- _

_ Hordak cut her off. “If you’ve learned anything from your friend here, it should be that you should not interrupt me when I am in the midst of something!” He took in a huge sigh and waved his hand. “Get out of my sight. I’m busy.” _

_ “Okay, but,” Entrapta stuttered, “can I ask what you’re doing to Catra?” _

_ “GET OUT!” _

_ At that, Catra saw Entrapta emerge from the shadows behind Hordak, Emily by her side. As the engineer hurried out the door, she shot a glance at Catra. Catra didn’t know if she was still hallucinating or not, but she thought she saw Entrapta mouth the word “run”. Even if she hadn’t really done it, Catra took it as a sign. There was no way in hell that her position in the Horde was safe anymore, and there was no way she was going to Beast Island in Shadow Weaver’s place. _

_ All of a sudden, everything she had worked for was gone. _

_ Her safety had been compromised. _

_ She had to leave. _

_ Catra pulled herself off of the ground and stood up on shaky legs. For the most part, she had recovered from her near death experience just a moment earlier, and she was breathing steadily again. Catra didn’t give herself time to compose herself before she began her sprint for the exit. She could hear Hordak calling out from behind her “There will be dire consequences for your actions!” but she kept running until she made it out the doors. She felt them slam shut behind her, but she didn’t turn back. There was no turning back now. _

* * *

Catra hadn’t stopped running until she made it to the vehicle bay. One stolen skiff and a crash landing in the Whispering Woods later, and here she was.

Her stomach growled loudly, reminding her of her hunger. It had been two days since her untimely escape. Water wasn’t that difficult to track down- there were small streams flowing everywhere throughout the woods. It was food that was the problem. All she had managed to find since her escape was some scraps on the ground left over from what had looked like some wild beast’s meal. It was degrading, but it was better than nothing. 

That was on her first night in the woods. She hadn’t eaten since them.

Hunger wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to Catra. In her youth, the young cadets were often undernourished, only having been fed two small ration bars a day. Catra especially was singled out, and due to her constant defiance to Shadow Weaver, she went to bed hungry more than the others. On those days, Adora would break her bar in half and slide it under the table to Catra, who ate it ravenously. 

_ Of course Adora was the one to make the sacrifice. Always the hero. _

She shook her head.  _ No more hallucinations, no more weird flashbacks. If you want to make it out of here alive, you have to keep your head on straight. _

Catra’s legs began shaking and her stomach kept growling, and she gripped her stomach and leaned against a neighboring tree for support. There was no way she could continue traveling, however much her drive to continue kept her on her feet. She was smarter than that. Catra sat down on a rock that was next to her, catching her breath. Leaning her back against a tree behind her, Catra hit the back of her head against the tree in frustration. She had nowhere to go.

Catra considered her current options. She could:

  1. Go back to the Horde.



Ha. Like that would end well.

  1. Find the Rebellion.



She’d rather starve out here than go crawling to those princesses for help.

  1. Wander around until I find food, then decide what to do.



Option three it is.

Catra sighed and stood back up, her legs still shaky, leaning heavily on the tree. As soon as she was standing up at full height again, her ears pricked, and she heard a very faint rustling somewhere in the distance. And in the woods, where there was noise, there was food.

As stealthily as she could on her limited energy, Catra stood up straight and tried to make her way towards the sound. Her mouth began watering as the noise got louder. She didn’t care who or what the source of the noise was; all that her mind was on was her own hunger.

The louder the sound got, the more branches and bushes lay in her way. She grew more careless the more she walked, letting the low hanging branches whip into her face as she walked, not even bothering to push them aside. When she reached what sounded like the source, Catra found a tall wall of bushes in her way, protecting whatever the sound was from intruders like herself.  _ Fuck it.  _ Catra squatted and pushed aside the bushes directly in front of her face, creating a small hole in the wall so that she could see what it was. 

It was a man. Well, a man and a woman. There was a small clearing with a fire in the center, and the man was putting wood in the fire. He was laughing and smiling, conversing with the woman who sat on the ground against a tree, facing away from Catra. Catra didn’t analyze any further. Where there were people, there was food. On the ground next to the woman, a tarp lay on the ground, and a small pile of fruits on top of it. 

Catra had never had fruit before. She only knew what it was because of her past missions in small villages. When Scorpia would describe it, she always called it sweet. Catra didn’t know what sweet tasted like, and she didn’t know if she would like it. Considering her current situation, how it tasted didn’t matter. Fruit was better than nothing. 

Catra stood there for a moment longer, waiting for the right moment to slip in and out unnoticed. It seemed like forever before the man finally turned his back to go tend to their tent in the back of the clearing. Just as Catra was about to move through the bushes and towards the food, the woman who sat against the tree stood up. When she turned around, Catra’s face fell. The woman was pregnant. Catra watched with dismay as the woman walked to her husband and began talking to him about something, still smiling. The man put his hand on her stomach, looking at the woman with soft eyes.

Now that the food was unattended, it was the perfect opportunity for Catra to slip in and take what she needed. But something stopped her. Some unknown block in the back of her mind stopped her from stealing from this pregnant family. The woman probably needed the food more than Catra did, especially if they were expecting a child and living in the middle of the Whispering Woods in a tent. 

Catra took in a heavy sigh and backed out of the bushes before the man and the woman turned around again. She didn’t know why she had passed up the perfect opportunity to finally get something into her body. Just a week ago, she would have taken it without question. She needed it. But, for some reason, she left. 

She face-palmed herself and growled in frustration.  _ Why did I do that? What the  _ **_hell_ ** _ is happening to me?  _ Catra groaned and felt her legs shaking again.  _ Great. I’m gonna die here.  _

Catra walked over to the nearest tree and leaned her back on it, sliding to the ground so that she was sitting with her back to the tree. She let her face fall in her hands. In the back of her head, a throbbing pain swelled into an ache that soon spread over her entire head. A migraine was coming on. This was probably the worst possible timing for another one of her splitting headaches, but considering her luck, this was pretty on brand for her.

Catra gritted her teeth in pain, trying to block out the pain. Being starved out of her mind didn’t do anything to help. She pressed her hands harder into her face, hoping that the pressure would relieve her. Catra was going white-knuckled, and she was straining so hard that she almost didn’t notice the hand that appeared on her arm.

She lost focus on her migraine and immediately bolted up in her position, jerking her arm out of the reach of whatever had invaded her privacy. Catra hissed in the general direction of the source- she still had her eyes closed, and she didn’t know what was there.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you,” a small voice said in front of her. Catra peeked her eyes open to find out who it was, and she saw a young boy. He couldn’t be more than seven years old. His hair was brown and shaggy, hanging over his forehead and just reaching his eyes. He had caramel-colored skin and his face was dotted with freckles. Catra realized that he actually looked similar to herself, except for the fact that he didn’t have a tail or her massive ears that had burdened her her whole life.

Catra blinked a couple of times, and then relaxed her shoulders and let herself sit down against the tree normally again. This kid was no threat, and he was probably from some village from around here. He knelt to the ground and held out his small hand, which was covered in dirt, and gave an innocent smile. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

Catra hissed at him again, defensively. She wasn’t planning on accepting help from anyone from the rebellion, no less a kid. She narrowed her split eyes. “I’m fine on my own,” she growled. Catra put her arms behind her and grabbed the tree, hoisting herself up to stand. As if on cue, her stomach let out a loud and persistent growl, and her hunger pains she had momentarily forgotten about returned. Once she was standing, Catra gripped her stomach in pain and looked down at the kid, who had stood up as well.

“You can come with me to my village!” He exclaimed, his brown eyes lighting up. “We are having a festival right now. I’m only all the way out here because I was trying to find my ball that one of my friends threw out here…”

“I said I’m fine.” Catra began walking away, whipping her tail around and trying to make as fast an exit she could, but the boy stopped her by grabbing her arm again. She didn’t have the energy to pull herself out of his embrace.

“There is food there. I know you’re hungry.” As if on cue (again), her stomach let out another horrible noise.

Catra may be stubborn, but she wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t be able to make it very much farther on her own, and here was a kid who just dropped down on her doorstep with a solution to her current lack of sustenance.  _ I guess my pact to stay the hell away from the rebellion is fucked.  _ “Whatever. I’ll come. But don’t bother me,” Catra responded coldly. She turned back around and pulled her arm out of the kid’s hand. “Lead the way.”

The kid grinned and turned around, waving in the direction ahead of him. “This way.” He started off running through the trees, but Catra was in no shape to run. She definitely didn’t want to hang around this kid, but she didn’t have another choice at the moment. Still gripping her stomach, she called out to the kid, “Hey, kid! Wait up! I’m not exactly fit to travel at the moment.” 

He turned around and jogged back to her side, and they began walking at a slower pace. Well, more like Catra kept her pace and the boy seemed to follow in step. He put his hands in his pockets and started whistling to himself.

The kid jogged a couple of paces ahead of Catra, but before she could yell at him again, he stopped, turned around, and started to walk backwards. Hands still in his pockets, he smiled at her with his big brown eyes again, and every second Catra looked at him, it got harder for her to be annoyed by him. “My name is Lee, by the way.” He kept walking backwards, facing Catra and expecting a response.

“I’m…” Catra started, but paused. Since becoming a high ranking official in the Horde, she had begun to make a name for herself around Etheria. There was no way she was going back there, and she wasn’t about to reveal herself to some loud mouthed kid who’d probably tell everyone he knew, and that was if he didn’t already know who she was. “I’m Lonnie.”  _ Shit.  _ That was, unfortunately, the first thing she could think of. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Lonnie.” Lee turned around and faced forward again,  _ How the hell didn’t he run into any bushes or something? _ Before Catra could think about his strange knowledge of the Whispering Woods, Lee ran forward and waited for Catra to catch up to him at yet another wall of bushes that towered over them.

Catra hobbled up to him as fast as she could on her limited energy. Signs of physical weakness were strongly discouraged in the Horde, and in a sense, they were right. She was  _ not  _ about to reveal how weak she really was to this rebellion kid. When she reached his side, Lee pushed aside the bushes, making a hole big enough for him and Catra to walk through. He made his way through the hole, and Catra followed. The sight that met her eyes when she made it through took her by surprise.

Catra had never been to, or  _ seen  _ for that matter, a festival. From her understanding, it was just a giant party. And from her understanding of parties, it was just a bunch of people dancing and eating food. Her understanding of parties wasn’t far off from what she was seeing, but it was on a much bigger scale than what she expected.

There were people  _ everywhere.  _ Kids running around and playing, adults chasing them around, people eating and talking and laughing. There were little stands set up on the edges of the clearing with people behind them handing out jewelry, food, and other objects that Catra didn’t recognize. There were small light bulbs hanging from strings that were tied up across trees and hung above the clearing. And, in the center of the clearing, dancing. People of all ages were dancing around wildly and happily, smiling, and some people were dancing together. There was a small group of people playing instruments on the other end of the clearing, but Catra could barely see them.

It took a moment (or several) for Catra to take in her surroundings. The only other times she had seen so much noise and activity was in battle, but those events were sinister. This was  _ way  _ different. Everyone here was happy. Well, happy was an understatement. They were  _ overjoyed. _

Catra felt a tugging at her arm, and looked down to see Lee snapping her out of her trance. “Hey, Lonnie,” he said, pointing to a nearby booth, “there’s some food over there.”

Catra’s hunger pangs returned, and she instinctively headed towards the booth that Lee was pointing at. He started following her, but she didn’t care enough to get him to stop. When she reached the stand, there was a man standing behind it, handing out some sort of bread ball things with blue spots. “What is that?” she questioned, pointing at the food.

“It’s a muffin, kid,” the man replied in a low, husky voice, handing it to Catra. She took it gratefully and immediately bit into it. “You ain’t never seen one before?”

“No,” Catra replied, her mouth full of the weird-tasting food. It was strange and unfamiliar, but it did taste okay, not that she cared. She finished off the muffin in seconds and licked her lips in relief, immediately feeling better. She was still incredibly hungry- one single muffin wasn’t going to hold her over very long. Catra reached out her hand. “Can I get another one?”

The man chuckled. “Sure, young lady.” He handed her another muffin, and Catra took it gratefully. She bit into it slower this time, trying to savor the odd flavor a little more. Between gulps, she turned over to face the man. He looked old- his hair was graying, and he had a worn-looking face. Despite his age, eyes still sparked with the same happiness that everyone in this god forsaken village shared. “What are you celebrating?” She asked.

“The Horde finally left our village!” The man replied heartily. “They had set up a camp here for months, taxing us, taking our food, forcing us into labor. But just a couple days ago, some princesses showed up and handed their asses to them!” Catra almost choked on her muffin when she heard him say that, but he didn’t notice as he continued. “We are finally free, and that’s plenty enough reason to celebrate.” He flashed another smile at Catra, and then looked down and began sorting through his assorted bread-looking foods.

As if her entire life’s work hadn’t been floating through her head enough the past few days, Catra just had her memories of battles in villages such as this thrown in her face all over again. As a Force Captain, Catra oversaw the execution of battles, invasions, and other things of the like in the Horde. That had always been her mission; go in, win the battle, take over the land, and leave. Until now, she had never actually thought about what happened to the villages and kingdoms that were under the Horde’s control after she left. Catra guessed that she truly didn’t know as much as she thought she did.

Catra finished off her second muffin and thought about what to say to the man. There was no way she was going to apologize, because 1. She didn’t even know what she was sorry for, and 2. It would immediately give her away. Catra crossed her arms and looked up at the man again. “What did the Horde do to you guys after they took over your village?”

The man sighed, and his face darkened. It clearly wasn’t a good sign. “Well, first, they stationed soldiers all over the village and set a curfew. They told us that this was what was best for Etheria; things had to be more orderly.

“A few days after that, they began collecting taxes from each of the households. Three soldiers would show up at my door once a week, and they told me if I didn’t give ‘em the amount of money that they were askin’ for, they would send me to a labor camp. So naturally, I gave ‘em what they asked for. Every time they came around, they asked for more money.

“As if they hadn’t been taking enough, they started taking all our food and other resources. Intercepting our supplies and such. Pretty soon enough, nobody in the village could afford anything anymore. People began starving, and people got sick and couldn’t get help. We lost a lot of good people.”

The man paused for a moment. He looked down, and his voice broke. “My wife and daughter died of sickness.” He wiped away a tear that had begun falling down is cheek. “I’m lucky to have survived.”

Catra gasped and looked down. She had never known any of this was happening. She was fully aware of the fact that people were dying in this war, but that’s the sacrifice you have to make for a better world. But she had never heard of this before. Catra felt a weight on her chest. She knew what it felt like to have everything taken away from you.

The man looked up and continued with his story. “After that, they set up a labor camp just outside our village. When people didn’t have the money to pay their taxes, the Horde soldiers appeared in front of their houses in the dead of night and took them to the camp. We never saw them again. Well, at least until the Horde left two days ago.”

Two days. How long Catra had been in the woods.

“Things just got worse from there. More people were dying and more people were taken away.” He shook his head, getting himself out of whatever dark storytelling mode he was in, and smiled. “But that’s over now. Our people returned from the camp, and the Horde is gone now.” He sighed. “I just wish that we could get back the people we lost. I miss ‘em.”

Catra looked the man in the eye, and she immediately recognized his expression. That was the face of someone who lost everything. The face that Catra was sure she had worn before, when the love of her life left her. The face that she had worn when Shadow Weaver had used her one last time before leaving her in the dust. The face that Hordak saw when he nearly killed her. 

This man had lost everything. And it was at the hands of the Horde.

For the first time, Catra really considered the effects that the Horde had on these rebellion civilians after their villages and kingdoms were conquered. She had always assumed that their lives would continue as normal, just under the Horde’s control. Then again, she didn’t really have much time to think about what happened anyways- there were always more important things for her to do. 

Was this village even a part of the rebellion? At the moment, to Catra, it just looked like they were dancing and celebrating peacefully. These were no soldiers- they really were just people. Maybe Adora was right. Maybe not everyone in this war was a violent instigator. Maybe not everybody in Etheria was a part of the rebellion that she had been relentlessly fighting for years.

Catra looked at the man again. Even after his sob story about his family and his home, he looked just fine now. He was smiling, organizing his stuff and tapping his foot and humming along to the music that came from somewhere across the clearing. She was just observing quietly for a moment, but then a thought struck her;  _ Am I really so different from this guy? _

From the looks and sound of it, he had never done anything particularly horrible in his life. Nothing to deserve what the Horde did to his home and his family, at least. His story almost reminded Catra of herself. Catra had been treated horribly her entire life, even since her childhood, with no justification. She was always the one who got punished, and half of the time she hadn’t even done anything. This man had the same things happen to him- the Horde taking away his family and treating his village as objects, and not as people.  _ Great, _ Catra thought, aggravated.  _ Now I’m starting to feel bad for this guy who I don’t even know.  _

Catra’s stomach began to churn, and she felt some weird feeling that she was unfamiliar with. It wasn’t unlike the sensation she had experienced when she saw the pregnant woman in the woods. Whatever it was, it made her feel sorry for the man. It was like she was feeling his pain.

She walked up beside the man and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him, facing the center of the clearing. Catra put her hand on his shoulder and felt him look up at her at the contact, but she didn’t move. “I know how you feel,” Catra spoke in a low voice, almost whispering. She could feel tears welling in her eyes. “The Horde took everything from me. I lost the only family I ever had.” She looked down and sniffed, trying to hold back the storm of emotions that had been brewing for months and were about to explode. 

“It’s a shame,” the man replied, facing forward instead of at Catra. “I remember the days when Etheria was at peace. The Horde wasn’t here, there was no war, and everyone was just happy. I hope all this nonsense is over soon.” He sighed. “I just want to live in peace.”

Catra took a step back from the man, looking down. Her heart lurched with realization.  _ They aren’t with the rebellion.  _ She had been taught that everyone on Etheria that wasn’t with the Horde was with the rebellion. Catra had always known that Hordak was never 100 percent truthful about his plans for Etheria and about his knowledge of the Horde’s doings, but  _ this? _ This honestly wasn’t far off from how Catra had grown up.

She had always said to herself that nobody, not even  _ princesses,  _ deserve to be treated the way she had been treated. 

Adora was right.

Catra had always known that the Horde was evil. She wasn’t a dumbass, and she wasn’t naive. She was fully aware that innocent people were dying in this war. That’s the price you have to pay for a better world, after all. But this?

This wasn’t okay.

Catra turned around and walked out from behind the booth, the weight on her chest growing heavier by the second. If there was ever a chance that she would return to the Horde, there sure as hell wasn’t one now. But that didn’t mean that she was going to run off and join the rebellion, either. Catra bent down and put her hands on her knees, trying to figure out what the  _ hell  _ was happening.

While she tried to gather her thoughts, a figure appeared in her periphery. Catra stood up straight and whipped around to see who it was, and it was that freckled boy again. Lee. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking at Catra with sympathy in his eyes, and opened his mouth as if he was about to say something.

Before he could get a word out, Catra snarled “Beat it, kid. This doesn’t concern you.”

But once again, he didn’t leave, and it didn’t look like he was going to, no matter what Catra did. She groaned under her breath and sighed, walking up to him to see what he had to say. “Spit it out, kid.”

“I got you this, Lonnie.” Catra had forgotten about her super original incognito name. Lee pulled his hand out of his pocket and brought out a small yellow flower, holding it by its stem. He reached out and offered it to Catra, his brown eyes shining. “The Horde isn’t here anymore. You’re safe.”

Ugh. This dumb kid and his unbridling optimism were starting to annoy Catra. Nevertheless, his words strangely did something to comfort her. After all, he was right. The Horde wasn’t here. Catra took the flower out of his hands and examined it for a moment. It had 6 large yellow petals, but was still pretty small. Catra had never been one for flowers, but she held onto it anyways. “Thanks.” The kid smiled.

Catra sighed and looked back into the woods. She couldn’t stay in this village for a second longer. These people were starting to annoy her. But she was still grateful for the food. “I better get going,” said Catra to the kid. “I have to get somewhere.” Not a total lie, but absolutely not the truth.

Lee smiled.  _ Jesus, what’s wrong with this kid?  _ “That’s okay. I understand.” He looked around for a second until he found his friends, who were playing some kind of a game with a ball. He started running towards them, but turned around for a moment and said, “It was nice to meet you, Lonnie!” 

Catra watched as he made it back to his friends. One of them gave Lee a playful shove, and another one came up beside him and hugged him. 

It reminded her of her and Adora when they were about his age.

_ Ugh, get over yourself, Catra.  _

Catra turned around and made her way back to the wall of bushes that led out of the village. When she found the space that Lee had made for the both of them to walk through earlier, she pushed her way through without looking back. 

She adjusted her eyes to her new surroundings. There were no string lights hanging above her head now, and that made it a lot harder for Catra to see since it was darker now, despite her excellent eyesight. After looking around for a second for the clearest path out of here, she chose one that lay to her right. There weren’t as many trees and bushes in her way, so it would be a little easier for her to navigate through.  _ Time to keep going.  _

As she kept on walking through the woods, Catra realized that she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do now. There was no way she was going to the Fright Zone. She looked down to find the yellow flower was still in her hands.  _ Maybe I should go to the rebellion. At least to get somewhere to fucking sleep. Those pansies will help anyone that drops on their doorstep. _

No. No way. There was absolutely no way that Catra was going to run off to the  _ rebellion  _ for help. They were still the enemy, even if she wasn’t in the Horde anymore. And she especially wasn’t going to go off running to  _ Adora  _ for help. 

Catra hadn’t realized that she was so lost in her thoughts that she was no longer paying attention to her surroundings, and a tree branch whipped into her face out of absolutely nowhere. She immediately grabbed the tree branch and pulled it off of the tree as hard as she could and threw it as far away as she could with her eyes shut from the pain that seared through her face. “FUCK ME!” Still temporarily blinded, she felt around for the tree that had so rudely attacked her. When she found it, that’s when she finally lost her patience with these  _ damn  _ woods.

Catra punched the tree. Several times. She could feel her skin break on her knuckles, but she didn’t care. She punched and clawed and tore off the bark until she couldn’t feel the pain in her face anymore. When she finally opened her eyes, she found the nearest low hanging branch and jumped onto it. When she landed, her leg almost slipped out from behind her, but she caught herself before she could fall.

Panting, Catra looked around for the nearest extra branches sticking out from the one she was standing on. Moving closer to the trunk of the tree, she tore off each branch that lay in her path and threw it as far away as she could. “Fuck. This. Place.” Leaving claw marks and deep slices into the bark, she tore her way to the trunk of the tree. When Catra finally reached her target, she paused for a moment, breathing heavily.  _ Why am I here?  _ She thought.  _ What do I have to gain from tearing apart this tree? _

Her senses slowly returning to her, Catra turned around to look at the damage she had left behind her. The branch was almost ready to fall off; there were torn branches and cuts so deep into the bottom that she had almost cut the branch in half. 

Catra sighed. There wasn’t any point in doing this. She was only making herself tired. Looking down at the ground, she chose a spot to jump down to and leapt gracefully, much more than that of the time she had jumped up. As soon as she hit the ground, the branch that she had just been standing on collapsed. It snapped in half.

“Fuck!” Catra gave the tree trunk one last punch before the floodgates busted open. She fell to the ground, no longer able to hold back the stream of tears that she had been holding back for god knows how long.

Catra didn’t cry. Well, at least not in front of other people. The Horde strongly discouraged public displays of emotion, especially crying. Catra couldn’t remember how many times Shadow Weaver had gotten angry at Kyle for crying over one reason or another when they were kids. But she could remember the one time she had cried in front of Shadow Weaver.

It had been about when she was six years old. Lonnie and Rogelio had thought it would be funny to pull a prank on her. Catra had been used to their ganging up on her, but this one was different. The two of them had put fire ants in her bed before she went to sleep. She woke up in the middle of the night with welts in her back, and she was unable to itch them. The pain was searing, and there was no relief. Naturally, being a six year old who didn’t know better, she started crying. She hadn’t known that Shadow Weaver had been silently patrolling the barracks that night.

Catra still can’t remember the full events of that night. The first thing she can recall was waking up shivering, with bruised arms and two cracked ribs, in Adora’s arms. 

That was the first night she had spent in Adora’s bottom bunk with her. After spending the next night there, and the next after that, Catra began to realize that the other cadets picked on her less. So, naturally, she stayed. For the next 12 years, the top bunk remained empty.

“FUCK!” She held her face in her hands, the tears not ceasing. She could feel herself shaking.  _ Get out of my head, Adora! _

“Oh, dearie, you don’t look so good.”

Catra shot to her knees and swiped a clawed hand at the direction where the voice had come from, screaming “Get the fuck out of here!” She opened her eyes and wiped away the remaining tears around her face to see a very short, very old woman with pink hair and purple skin. She was holding a broom.  _ Great. _

“Ah, you don’t mean that.” The woman set her broom against a nearby tree and began moving towards Catra, who instantly shot to her feet and made it to the woman in a single stride, pinning her by her neck against a tree and extending her claws on her free hand. “Take one more step towards me, old woman,” Catra growled, “and you’ll find out just how much I mean it.”

The woman didn’t look phased at all. To Catra’s surprise, she didn’t even flinch. She sighed. “What are you doing out here?” Catra let the old woman go and took a couple of steps back, giving herself some space to breathe.

The woman brushed herself off, dust flying from her cloak. “Oh dearie, I live out here. I couldn’t help but hear your distress. You aren’t exactly being quiet, you know.” She chuckled. 

Catra sighed again. There was no point in bickering with this old woman. She was obviously no threat. Catra put her head in her hands and dragged them down her face, sighing again.  _ Great. I’m stranded in these god forsaken woods, and the only person near me just so happens to be crazy.  _ She groaned in frustration. “Just go away.”

The woman chuckled again. She was beginning to piss Catra off more than she already was. “Well, you don’t really want that, do you?” She stepped toward Catra and put a wrinkled hand on her shoulder. Catra flinched and gave a small hiss, but once again, the woman didn’t move. “After all, you’re only where you are because of the last time someone went away.”

Catra took a step back in shock, pushing the woman’s hand off of her shoulder. “Who the hell do you think you are?” 

* * *

Catra sat down with her legs crossed on the floor of the old woman’s small hut that she called home. She had no clue how the woman had convinced her to come to her house and have a cup of tea. But, once again, Catra wasn’t stupid. Staying in a hut with a roof over her head was better than sleeping inside a tree.

Catra leaned back on her arms and took a look around the hut. There wasn’t much to look at at all- just some cabinets and a fireplace inside the wall. The woman stood over it, brewing a pot of tea. Catra had never had tea before.

“How did you know about Adora?” Catra asked.

“Oh dearie, I know all about that girl. The one who carries the sword,” The woman said without turning her back. Catra grimaced.  _ That damn sword.  _ “She is very lost. Strong, and brave. But lost,” she continued, still with her back turned. 

_ How the hell is she lost? _ Catra thought.  _ She had her new friends now and her special powers. She chose her side.  _ Catra had no clue what Adora could possibly be lost over. Before she could think about it much longer, the woman turned around with two cups of yea in hand. She stepped forward to Catra and sat in front of her with her legs crossed, reaching out to hand her the tea. Catra took it gratefully. “So,” Catra started, “what is your name, anyways?”

“I’m Madame Razz,” the woman replied, taking a sip of her steaming tea.  _ Weird name.  _

“And how did you know about Adora?” Catra continued, realizing that Razz still hadn’t fully answered her earlier question. It was creepy that she had known about Catra’s mixed feelings towards Adora, and an old woman who lived in the woods no less.

Razz set down her cup and leaned forward. “Dearie, it’s written all over your face. Somebody hurt you, deeply.” 

“Yeah,” Catra sighed through gritted teeth, getting impatient, “but how did you know it was Adora?”

“Because you told me.”

_ Well shit. I guess I did. _

This woman was infuriating. She was vague, and she just acted like she knew everything before you even told her. It was proving to be difficult to get a straight answer out of her. Yet somehow, Catra felt safe. She felt like this woman understood her pain. She felt like she could talk to her. Which, frankly, never happens. 

Catra breathed heavily and put her face in her hands. She was tired. Tired of being hungry, tired of living in the woods. Tired of strangers pitying her. Tired of constantly having the feelings and emotions that she had worked so hard to shove away in a box and forget about brought back to the surface for her to actually deal with. Tired of the never ending weight in her chest that had been there for months.

Before she knew it, Catra felt a tear run down her face. She didn’t even try to stop it this time. She let it go, and more began to follow it. Catra felt a hand on her shoulder, and this time, she didn’t shove it away. She let the touch comfort her.

“Oh, dearie, you have been through so much,” Razz sighed. “I can feel it.”

Catra pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. “I don’t know what to do, Razz.” She had no idea where the sudden urge to actually talk to this woman came from, but she didn’t care enough to think about it. “I left the only home I ever had, and I have nowhere to go.” Catra felt more tears welling up around her eyes.

Razz cupped the side of her face and brought Catra’s focus onto her. “There is  _ one _ place you can go.”

No. No way. There was no way in  _ hell  _ that she was going to run off to the rebellion for help. Catra pulled in her legs tighter. “I can’t go there,” she sighed. “They’d probably lynch me.”

Razz sighed and stood up. “Well,” she started turning to head to one of her cabinets, “I’m not going to tell you to do anything, dearie. Except to do what your heart tells you to.” She pulled a blanked and a pillow out of the cabinet she had begin searching through. “It may seem like stupid advice, but it works. Trust me, dearie.”

Catra sighed. Razz was right- it was stupid advice. But what else was there to try at this point? She stood up and took the blanket and pillow from Razz. “I’m assuming these are for me?"

“You assumed correct. Now go to sleep. It’s late, and you look like you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in years.” At that, the woman turned around and walked out of the narrow doorway that led out of her hut, leaving Catra alone.

Catra took another look around the small hut and threw her blanket and pillow in a nearby corner. There wasn’t exactly an ideal place for her to sleep here, so she decided the floor was best. She sat down with her legs crossed next to her blanket and began laying it out flat on the ground. When it looked good enough, she shifted her position so that she was sitting on it.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, a wave of exhaustion flooded over Catra. She had been moving all day, and she hadn’t realized how tired she’d gotten, especially over the past few days. She didn’t have time to think much longer before she drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Catra’s eyes fluttered open to meet darkness. Well, not total darkness. It was obviously still nighttime, but she could see very well in the dark. Nevertheless, it was still dark. She hadn’t been asleep for long at all.

Catra groaned and sat up in her spot on the floor. Razz was nowhere to be found, which was a little weird- this was her home, after all. Nothing else in the room had moved or changed at all. It was eerily quiet. After spending her entire life around the constant hum of electricity in the Fright Zone, the silence here was unsettling to Catra.  _ I have to get out of here. _

It’s not that Catra was ungrateful for the shelter Razz had offered. If she hadn’t run into her, she’d probably be asleep in some tree somewhere right now. But this old woman can’t see that Catra is still there when she gets back- if she stayed too long, she’d look weak.  _ Old habits die hard, huh? _

She stood up from her seat and began folding up the blanket she had slept on. That woman had shown her more common decency than most other people in her life, so the least she could do was clean up after herself, which was something that she didn’t usually do. Once she finished, Catra set the blanket down on the ground and carefully placed the pillow on top of it in a neat stack. Satisfied with her work, she began to silently make her way out of the hut. She couldn’t see Razz, but she couldn’t take any chances.

Once she had successfully made it out without being spotted (by whom, Catra would never know), Catra set off on yet another trek through the woods. But this time, she knew where to go.

Catra could hardly see, but it was just enough for her to be able to get around. Picking her directions on instinct alone, she began making her way to Bright Moon. After giving it a lot of thought last night, she had decided that that’s where she should go. A week ago, she would have rather died than go there willingly, but Catra was out of options now. At least in Bright Moon, they treated their prisoners with compassion, or at least that’s what that Rainbow guy had said. She’d get a roof over her head and food to eat, and while she was there, she could figure out her next steps.

She had no clue what those next steps were, but they certainly weren’t going to be with the Horde.

Catra had been so lost in her thoughts once again that she hadn’t realized how far she had gone. The sun was now just peeking over the horizon, providing more light for her to navigate, but that was no longer necessary. In front of her lay a massive lake, and farther behind it stood the castle of Bright Moon.

_ Here goes nothing. _   
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you even made it down here, thank you so much for reading this!! it took a while, and i am really happy to be able to share it with you guys. leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it ;)
> 
> thank you to JayTheSaltyBastard on ao3 for beta reading this for me- it means a lot!!


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